HONESTLY… ARE WE ALL JUST PRETENDING TO BE NICE?

Once upon a time, I believed that people were, at their core, decent. That when you meet someone—whether in work, friendships, or casual interactions—you can take them at face value. They smile, they’re polite, they nod in all the right places. So, naturally, you assume they’re normal. My first instinct is never to assume that someone is lying to me, scheming, or anything other than being at least an okay person.

And then, reality kicks in, and you’re left with a possibly dumb look on your face thinking to yourself- f*ck me. Not again.

I’ve met people from every corner of life, corporate professionals, media personalities, self-proclaimed “feminists” championing women on Instagram while quietly exploiting them behind closed doors. At first, the warmth is there. The grins, the over the top enthusiasm, the “let’s grab coffee soon!” energy. And then, the shift. Suddenly, you realize the kindness was conditional. The warmth had an expiration date. And worse, sometimes, they weren’t just indifferent. They were actively hoping for your downfall.

But why all the drama? I mean, Shakespeare did it perfectly so you don’t have to.

Here’s my humble theory: being “nice” has become a form of social currency. It makes you seem likable, trustworthy, the kind of person others want to be around. But beneath the surface, it’s often just a means to an end, kind of like a networking strategy, a way to avoid looking like the bad guy while still playing the game. The problem? Nice is not the same as good.

And honestly? I’d rather have two brutally honest people in my circle than ten fake-nice ones using me as a pawn, or worse, a convenient stepping stone. The exhausting part is, isn’t all this pretending so much harder than just being a decent human being? The energy it takes to keep up the act, to smile while ploting some kind of made up revenge, to act supportive while quietly hoping for someone’s failure—wouldn’t it be easier to just be real?

This fake niceness is visible everywhere: “friends” who thrive on subtle sabotage, colleagues who are so supportive (as long as you don’t outshine them), industry connections who love to preach about lifting others up, until it’s actually time to do so. It’s like we’re all trapped in an unspoken social contract: look good, say the right things, but don’t actually mean them because God forbid you’re an actual decent human.

In this case I’d rather deal with someone who is openly awful than someone who sugarcoats their intentions, smiles to my face and sharpens the knife behind my back. At least with the first, I know where I stand.

So what’s the takeaway? Maybe it’s time we admit that most niceness is just PR, and instead of wasting energy deciphering who's genuine and who's just playing the game, we start surrounding ourselves with people who don’t need a performance. End the scene before it ends you.

Because at the end of the day, I don’t need “nice.” Honestly, I just need real.