HONESTLY… WHY DO WOMEN HATE EACH OTHER SO MUCH?

There’s a certain narrative that dominates social media—one of sisterhood, empowerment, and women lifting each other up. Hashtags like #WomenSupportingWomen, #Feminism, #ŽenajeŽeniDrug flood our feeds, accompanied by carefully curated selfies and inspirational captions. But the truth? The loudest voices in this so-called movement are often the ones tearing other women down the most. I know because I’ve experienced it firsthand.

I once worked in an environment where I experienced mobbing by a woman. Not just passive-aggressive remarks or subtle exclusion—full-blown, calculated mobbing. It was the kind of treatment you’d expect from a villain in a high school drama, except this wasn’t a teenage girl’s insecurity; this was a grown woman in a really big company you probably heard of (hint: they sell overly expensive skincare gadgets, and their company name rhymes with Oreo). Before her harassment started, she was working at the same level I did, and honestly almost as soon as she was promoted to a slightly better position, her fangs came out.

But what shocked me even more was how little support I found when I reached out to other women who claimed to stand for solidarity, who worked in HR, and who were in actual positions of power where they could just immediately put an end to that kind of reckless behavior. In their eyes, how could I ever question my superior, why did I have to speak out, and when I was fortunate enough to quit my job I sent a long ass e-mail to the CEO, as well as all of the department head detailing on the harassment, as well as my experience with the company. Soon I found out that The Fanged Manager quit, but I didn’t really feel like I won. Then I started working a little bit more closely with the media industry, specifically lifestyle magazines/websites. I thought- this is going to be amazing because women are in charge, they are always speaking out loud for equality, female empowerment… Damn, I was so naive. Looks like my 9.5 GPA absolutely didn’t come in handy when it came to real life experiences. Women who had built entire personal brands around feminism and “helping other women thrive”, were actually the most toxic women I have ever come into contact with. Women who preached other women on Instagram didn’t pay me, made me feel less than, ignored my questions when it came to payments, as well as constructive feedback on my work. There was one particular moment where I really felt like the smallest piece of shit on the ground, and it was when I asked a female editor of a very, very well known lifestyle magazine about increasing my fee to just 5 Euros more because I already have written quite a few columns, and obviously they were happy with them since they were published. Not only did I get a no, I got a- we can’t increase your fee but we will absolutely invite you to our event. Take care. I read that e-mail, looked at my husband and asked him to read it. He started laughing out loud, and actually told me that that is the shittiest thing ever, and since he is in showbizz for almost 15 years I absolutely believed him. He was right. I am not worthy enough to be paid, but I most certainly am just craaaaaaving to be a part of a fake fashion event that is costing them 20.000 times more than what I asked for. I felt sad because I got that kind of response once again from a woman, and you know what, they never even invited me to that event. Very soon it made me realize that in this industry, feminism is often just another aesthetic. A curated facade. Behind the scenes, many of these so-called “women’s advocates” are some of the worst exploiters of other women. Honestly, it makes me so, so, so sick.

But it’s not just in the workplace—it’s everywhere. Look at how women navigate friendships: the silent rivalries, the backhanded compliments, the way some women thrive on watching others fail. How often do we see women undercutting their so-called friends, sleeping with each other’s partners, or subtly sabotaging one another’s success? We talk about men being the problem, but the truth is, some of the deepest wounds in a woman’s life are inflicted by other women. There’s a certain ruthlessness we don’t like to admit exists within our gender, a cutthroat competition disguised as friendship, as mentorship, even as sisterhood. And maybe that’s the real conversation we need to start having.

Why is this? Why do so many women compete instead of collaborate? Why does the media industry, in particular, seem to breed this kind of toxicity? Is it the scarcity mindset—this idea that there’s only room for a select few at the top? Is it internalized misogyny, where we’ve been conditioned to see other women as threats rather than allies?

And more importantly—how do we fix it?

Because honestly, if this is what women supporting women looks like, I want no part in it.